A Fact Checking Morality Tale....

I think this is one of those posts that requires a disclaimer before I eat up any of your day.

I'm about to embark on one of those "OMG, Liane is such a whack-job" stories that won't make a bit of sense unless you're a writer trying to sell a book manuscript. So if you aren't, and that kind of thing doesn't hit it for you, feel free to move on.

No, really. I won't hold it against you.

Nor is this post going to do much to reassure my regs that I have recovered from Weird Al day. And for those of you who still hold Weird Al Day against me, read on, because when I hang this post, I'm pretty sure good old Al will fade back into cyber-oblivion, where I'm fairly sure most feel he belongs. (:::wistful sigh:::)

I queried my number one most favorite literary agency in the world late last week. For those of you who don't know, a query is an author's sales pitch for an unpublished book. The goal of the query is to get an agent or editor to say--girlfriend, if you don't get that book in my inbox pronto, I'm going to hunt you down and pilfer your hard drive until I find the goods myself.

Now before you get your thong in a twist, I'm not saying TKA is my favorite literary agency because I'm fond of brown noses. :).

The Knight Agency is my favorite agency in the sense that I'd so party with the gals at TKA even if they snapped my pencils in half, stole my paper and urged me to run, not walk, to 101 reasons to stop writing.

TKA places some really good books--the kinds of books I like to both read and write. They also go the extra mile and work hard to soften the face of the writing community. If that's not enough to give you the warm fuzzies, try this--they also make the world a better place while they're doing it by raising funds for breast cancer research.

So what's not to love, right?

So, anyhow, there was a point, and I must find my way back to it. Which was.....uh......er.....:::reads backwards::::

Oh,right. My query.

Since TKA represents some young adult (YA) titles I have enjoyed--and one of the books on their list actually *inspired* It's (so not) A Barbie World--it only felt natural to give them a shout and ask them if they'd like to read my brand new dream child.

Let me tell you now, a writer never worked so hard honing her pitch. That one page letter took me longer to cook up than five chapters of the original manuscript. And in the end, I think I wrote a totally killin' query.

At least I thought so until 4:23 a.m, this morning. That's when the hot flashes/OCD/Panic Attack that are the hallmarks of Post Query Stress Disorder set in. I sat bolt upright in bed, shivering against a cold sweat, worrying about something I'd said in my query.

You see, I cited one of my YA writer heroes who wrote a fun, fresh, high-concept title called "I was a Teenage Popsicle". I read about it first on TKA's blog.

But at 4:23 this morning, as I fanned away my hot flash, it dawned on me that I wasn't quite exactly for sure POSITIVE that the agency actually *placed* the book. I just remembered reading about the book's release on the TKA blog.

Can you say heart thumping agony? So here I am, up in the wee hours, cussing like wild woman. Sweat is dripping onto my keyboard as I pound my way across the net to Publisher's Marketplace to find out what agent actually PLACED I was a Teenage Popsicle.

And it wasn't TKA.

THUD.

Now in my defense, in checking the agency website, I found that Bev Katz Rosenbaum truly is their client.

So....I'm thinking she may have switched agents.

Now I'm praying when TKA opens my query and see's me so confidently comparing my work to "I was a Teenage Popsicle", which I in turn attribute to TKA. they don't automatically say.....good grief, what a whack job.... "Here's another one for the 86 file..."

But if they do?

Well, if I get an automatic rejection....then dammit, I deserve it. Because in my eagerness to hit the "send" key, I didn't thoroughly check the facts. And I know better than that.

And I'd still love me some TKA.

Moral of story? My high school band director was absolutely right when he said.......Let me tell you something about the word ASS-U-ME....

:::sigh:::

This too shall pass.

So many books to write, so little time to sell them....

It Ain't Easy Being Green!

She looks a bit green around the gills (vbg), but here's a Barbie even I can love! :)

The Post Where Liane Attempts to Reactivate her Gray Matter

I decided to take a break from my head-banging query writing attempts today to attempt a somewhat rational post.

OK, stop laughing. I know the Weird Al video was a bit off the wall, even for moi. :)

So, here goes. My redemption post.

A few months ago my tweenish daughter lamented the fact that when Barbie dumped Ken, she did nothing better with her freedom than burn her stellar resume and set about getting in touch with her inner slut.

Apparently, my daughter's anti-Barbie backlash isn't so unusual among girls her age.

Could it be that the pink tide that's swept across our world is beginning to turn, or--dare I say it--even ebb? A blog reader submitted to me today evidence that its becoming "so not" a Barbie World in Japan. Recently, Japan's answer to Barbie, Licca-chan, re-invented herself from material girl to eco-friendly environmentalist.

I only one have problem with Licca-chan's redo of her previous self. She appears, on the outside, every bit as pink-obsessed as Barbie, her American counterpart. But, to give the plastic princess credit where its due, she's at least trying to add a bit of more depth to her plastic is fantastic personna.

According to AP wire reports, Licca-chan recently used her own (pink, gak) *cloth* shopping bag instead of the standard plastic basket to shop at one of Japan's Licca-chan Eco-Friendly Doll House shows. In doing so, Licca-chan's makers hope to impart the message that the popular fashionista is doing her part to advance the Japanese government's campaign against global warming.

The eco-friendly fashion doll will be further utilized by the Japanese government to launch a nationwide campaign which supports environmentally friendly lifestyles.

Next thing you know, cloth shopping bags could debut on runways everywhere as the new *must have* handbag.

Or not.

End of rational post.

Let the utter post-Nanowrimo mayhem resume.

This is Liane's Brain on Plastic

I swear, this is not National Post Inane Crap Week.

Honest.

You see, in order for me to render my Nanowrimo book into a readable state (damn, did it ever need help), I had to breathe life into the Barbie character. During the ensuing struggle to write "believably blonde" it has become quite necessary for me to channel Malibu Barbie.

Be happy that I at least spared you another "Weird Al" clip. :)



How evil are you?

Bittersweet Serenade

Lets Get Stoned....

It wasn't enough that I wrote one fun but drafty 64000 word book during Nanowrimo. It seems that my Muse still isn't satisfied. So I rolled from my bed this morning and began another, tentatively titled "Stoner". Could be fun, though. I need something to keep me off the streets during the holidays. :)


STONER SYNOPSIS

Fate is so unfair.

Medusa's two Gorgon sisters got to be immortals. But not Medusa. Turned out she was quite mortal. Worse, every time she almost got lucky, the man of her desires didn't just get a hard on. He turned completely to stone. Then Medusa completely lost her head over Perseus. That little faux pas landed her in Hades for all Eternity. And as a virgin, too.

Hades cannot face the idea of spending an eternity listening to Medusa whine about her ill-conceived fate. So he makes a deal with Medusa that she can't refuse. Sure she can go back to earth and seek true love. She will get three chances to win a man's heart. If she can manage to do this without turning him to stone, she will not only get laid, she'll earn immortality. But if she fails, she'll spend her eternity as a mannequin in the Peoria Saks Fifth Avenue Factory Outlet, decked out in last season's seventy-five percent off designer seconds.

Either way, Hades wins.

Next thing Medusa knows she's standing buck naked in a dark alley where a group of down on their luck stoners make their homes. At the urging the troubled, but once infamous top-model/crack addict Athena Sebastian, Medusa finds herself spilling her troubles at a narc-anon meeting. "Hi. I'm Medusa. I'm a s-stoner. And I've hit rock bottom...."

Under the tutelage her new support group, Medusa turns her life over to a higher power and embarks full throttle on her twelve step program in hopes of curing herself of her stoner lifestyle once and for all. But Medusa's friend Athena has her own past life ax to grind, and Medusa is the ticket for revenge she's waited an eternity for.

My Nanowrimo 15 minutes of Fame

http://www.trashionista.com/2006/11/liane_gentry_sk.html