Trashy Ladies

I've often wondered why I rail on Barbie the way I do. It's not like I was ever traumatized by the plastic princess. Perhaps my childhood closet career as a Barbie mutilator is to blame. Every time I got a barbie, I had to redo her into my (geeky) image. That usually involved dying her hair blue with a Magic Marker, chopping off her hair, and giving her some black lipstick. :D

Whatever the formative roots behind motives my outrageous obsession with nuking the Barbie World, I have finally fallen in love with a fashion doll.

Sort of.

Ok, fine, maybe fashion isn't quite the right word, but its as close as I'll ever come.


Courtesy of my lovely daughter (who is allergic to pom-poms thank GOD!), I present to you.......

(drum roll please)....

are you ready? :D

O.K., hang on to your hats....

Here she is. The one doll I truly MUST own....as seen on STUPID.com



The Talking Trailer Trash Doll. (I've named her Lurlene).

This trashalicious darling captures a world that Barbie has only seen in her worst nightmares. She wears a leather jacket and halter top, sports a head of bleached-blonde hair complete with curlers. Yes, that's a cigarette dangling from her mouth.

Did I mention that this (ahem) lovely trashionista got knocked up somewhere along the way (again)?

So even if Barbie has never met Lurlene, there's a good chance that Ken did. I mean after Barbie dumped the guy, I'm sure he sowed a few wild oats.

Lurlene talks, too! Go ahead, press her belly button.

"Pour me a double, I'm drinkin' for two."

"Bubba Jr., get off your sister!"

Lurlene may not be well versed in the social graces, but she's well-made. She comes in the box as shown, and even includes a little baby doll from a previous pregnancy.

Enjoy your Barbie world. I'm going to go throw back a few with Lurlene. :D

As my darling diabolical spawn is fond of saying...."I LOVE EET!"

Wonder if they could make a version with stretch marks?

You are beautiful

Beautiful. You.



Oh, yes, you are.

Stop arguing. You take my breath away.

Beauty knows no age

Beauty doesn't come in sizes

Beauty simply is

as beauty does.



You. Are. Beautiful.

Alternative Beauties

Can you believe it? Finally, a pageant that aspires to celebrate "alternatives" to our Western (Barbie-ized) beauty standard. To celebrate this new glimmer of hope for womankind everywhere, I put up a pic of the plastic princess herself with (gasp) a double chin. She's better this way, I think. :D

REYKJAVIK (AFP) - An alternative beauty pageant to be held in a remote Icelandic town will reward contestants' wrinkles, saggy breasts and other bodily imperfections and hopes to challenge Western ideas of beauty, organisers said Wednesday.
"Anyone can make the rules about what beauty is, we want to change the rules," one of the contest's organisers, Matthhildur Helgadottir, told AFP.
"We think it's just coincidence if you have big breasts. How come this is beautiful? We are trying to show how ridiculous this is," Helgadottir said.
The contest, scheduled for April 18, will be held in the town of Isafjoerdur, population 3,000, in the northwest of Iceland.
Men and women were welcome to register as contestants and while there was a minimum age of 20, there was no upper age limit.
The only other stipulation was that contestants had not gone under the plastic surgeon's knife for cosmetic reasons.
Prizes were as yet undecided but the "fun and honour" of taking part would be sufficient reward for contestants, according to Helgadottir.
Organisers remained undecided on how to rate participants.
"Maybe this (the alternative contest) is research, a way of understanding them (beauty pageants)."
The idea for the contest emerged while Helgadottir -- a self-confessed feminist -- was talking with friends in an Isafjoerdur pub.
As of Wednesday five people, three women and two men, had registered to take part.
Helgadottir remained optimistic that many more would sign up once news of the competition spread.

Barbie as you'll never see her!

Get deeper than just any old plain-jane fashion makeover and start working where it counts--on Barbie's bod! In this edutainment product, not only will impressionable young girls learn that beauty is more than skin-deep, but also these truisms will be driven home as they teach themselves the basics of plastic surgery

Barbie's Cosmetic Surgery Makeover lets you, the gamer, enhance upon Barbie's already close-to-perfect measurements; perhaps a firmer butt or breast reduction, or even a little liposuction on the hips, is in order. With a few clicks of the mouse, you can virtually enhance Barbie in many ways: from cellulite and collagen injections to rhinoplasty and tummy tucks. This CD-ROM has it all.

With a few clicks of the mouse, you can virtually enhance Barbie in many ways.
In the Surgeon Editor mode, you can come up with your own operations and perform spectacular new bodywork on Barbie. Save your more "successful" operations and post them on the Web, or trade them on AOL. There's even a Freak of the Week award for the best enhancement ideas. The game also sports TWAIN drivers so that it can interface with your digital camera, allowing you to take digital pictures of yourself to see what you would look like with a perfect body.

Both an educational product and a game, Barbie's Cosmetic Surgery Makeover promises hours of fun as you invent new looks for your favorite doll and yourself. In no time at all, you'll be on the road to a rewarding career as a plastic surgeon or a successful model and actress/actor (after your makeover, of course!).

Note: Any resulting eating disorders are strictly the responsibility of the party who purchases the game.

(not a real game. Concept courtesy of GameCenter)

Ya'll are killing me this week...

And yet another Barbie Quiz from my home girl Billie.

Which dysfunctional Barbie are you? Sorority Slut Barbie You're the Tri Sigma whore that every frat loser knows by name. You love your hot pink tube top and your blonde streaks glow in the blacklight at all the frat parties. Chances are you've been on Girls Gone Wild at least once.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

About those authentic selves...

Dr. Phil's--wisdom, we'll call it--rolled off the lips of one of my characters so often that one of my friends has begun sending me Dr. Phil trivia. This one was, I must admit...too good not to share. :D

I LOVE EET!!!!!!

Oh. My. Goth.

I wish, wish, wish I had created this. Barbie, as the world's never seen her. I'm stunned. This is a project worthy of--well--me!

You just have to go see it for yourself! No words, you know? :D

The Distorted Barbie